Wednesday, June 25, 2014

The F Word


I'm still here, I just haven't had much to report in the whole weight loss area as of late.  If anything, I'd say things have been the reverse of the title of this blog.  I wouldn't say that my faith is shrinking, but my size definitely isn't.

I haven't gone crazy, but I am up 15 pounds from where I had been at the end of last summer and I'm getting really frustrated.  I shouldn't be all that frustrated because I haven't been trying all that hard, but at the same time, I don't feel like I'm so out of control that a 15 pound gain is warranted. 

I keep trying to get back on track, but I'm having a heck of a time.  This is going to be a lifelong struggle for me and I'm trying to accept that there will be ups and downs and I'm not giving up.

I'm training for a marathon and so far that has been going pretty well.  I did 14 miles last Friday.  I'm following the Jeff Galloway training plan and doing run/walk/run intervals of 5 minutes running and 1 minute walking.

That is about all that is happening with me. 

This morning something happened with my daughter that I knew would happen eventually, but it came up out of the blue and I wasn't at all prepared for it, although I don't know that anything could have prepared me for it.

As we were getting ready to head out the door for work/daycare, she decided at the last minute that she wanted to wear her tennis shoes instead of her flip flops.  Since we were in a hurry, I was helping her out so that we could get going.  She sat on the couch and I sat next to her, we got her socks on and as she switched legs, she looked down and said, "Look mom, I made a 4 with my legs".  I said, "Yeah, you did, that is pretty cool."  Then she said, "but it is a fat 4 because my legs are pretty fat". 

My heart sank down farther than I knew it even could.  The word that we have avoided using at all costs in our home came out of her mouth.  We have been so careful.  I have been so focused on making this entire journey about being healthy, not about being smaller.  We have focused on eating healthy foods and getting exercise because that is what our body needs.  We haven't used that word to describe anyone or anything because I just don't feel like it is necessary.  I knew instantly that the only place that this could have come from was another kid.

I quickly said to her, "Honey, your legs are STRONG!  You have big muscles so that you can run fast.  God made you to be just the way you are."  Then I asked her who told her that and she confirmed that it was a friend from pre-school.  I held it together and gave her as much affirmation as I could possibly muster, but the minute we got in the car I lost it.

Yes, my little girl is bigger than she should be and it kills me to know that I'm responsible for that.  We have been so careful to make sure that our kids have healthy eating habits.  I do my very best to ensure that they have healthy snacks and plenty of fruits and vegetables.  I do everything in my power to keep them active, the only time I let them watch TV is if I'm on the treadmill or I need to take a shower.  I'm not pumping her full of sugar and sitting her in front of the TV all day, and yet, she is big, just like me, and I hate that.  But she is strong, she is active and she loves to eat healthy foods. 

I refuse to let her be reduced to a three letter word like I was.  I never believed that I was anything more than fat until I was well into my 20's and I want so much more for her.  She is smart, funny, determined, compassionate, intelligent, thoughtful, joyful, artistic and generous and I need to do my very best to make sure that she knows those things above ALL.

Parents, if you have young children, please, teach them that people are so much more than how they look.  Adults, if you still think it is ok to laugh at or ridicule people who are overweight, especially if they are taking action to change that, for the love of all things holy, STOP BEING AN ASSHOLE!  (This happened to my husband recently, so it is still pretty fresh, sorry for the language.) You would think that by the time a person reached adulthood that they would realize that there is no value or humor in tearing down another person, but there are still far to many who do it.

Encouragement goes a long way, if you know someone who could use some, throw it out there.  When you reach the point in life where you realize that it is far more beneficial to lift others up rather than tear them down, you realize just how much fun it is to love other people. 

So get out there and spread some love, I guarantee you there are plenty of people out there who need some.